i am to the " what now" in my breast cancer journey

it is obvious that my breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy and reconstruction parts of my journey are over. it has been a long, arduous time in my life. so many things have happened to me, and my entire world has been turned upside down. when i was first diagnosed i just put my life on auto pilot, so to speak. there were decisions that had to be made, and i researched everything of course. but i really put my feelings on hold, and just got on with things. oh, i cried a lot, but i tried to keep a positive attitude during this time- for my family and friends, and for myself as well. writing my blog and sharing information as to what was happening to me has helped me, and i really hope that women reading this blog have had questions answered. i hope that other breast cancer survivors have been able to read about my experiences and think about what may be best for them personally.

it almost seems as if i am entering uncharted territory at this point.  i have had plenty of information as to the medical part of my journey. i have had, and will continue to have, tests of all sorts to make sure that the cancer has not spread. except for the tests, though, i have not been able to find very much  information for the " what now" part of my journey. well meaning health professionals, family, and friends want the very best for me, but they seem to want me to return to " normal" whatever that is, and do so quickly. i have a new normal now, as the saying goes. my life will never be the same as it was before. 

i have just finished reading a very good book, called: "after breast cancer, a common sense guide for life after treatment" by hester hill schnipper. ms. schnipper is in health care, and is a breast cancer survivor herself. it was amazing to me how much of her book pertained to me! she answered a lot of my questions about the " what now" part of my journey. she also has some chapters in the book that help the husband/spouse know what a breast cancer survivor is feeling. the chapters open the door for some honest discussion on how now only the patient feels, but  what the spouse or caregiver is feeling at this point. 

i would also like to recount a story in the "after breast cancer" book  that one of the cancer survivors told to ms. schnipper .the breast cancer survivor and her family took a family vacation to peru. they were in a group of americans who were hiking up a steep trail that leads to the temples of machu picchu. at the same time, a group of peruvians were  hiking up to the temples, and were in front of the american group. the peruvians were evidently taking their time, and would stop to rest from time to time. being the impatient americans that we are, the americans  shouted" what are you doing?! we are trying to get a move on here!" to which the peruvians replied, " we are waiting. we need to give our souls a chance to catch up." i think this is marvelous! i frequently run out of energy, and am not able to keep up what was once my normal pace. i will try to remember this story, and give my soul a chance to catch up.i also find that i am taking more time to appreciate the world around me- nature especially. i have always enjoyed nature, but i am taking more time to smell the flowers, or for my soul to catch up, as the peruvians said.

i have said before in my blogs that we are all different. just as one medication or treatment does not fit  all, i think that everyone's recovery period is different. i believe  that every breast( or other) cancer survivor has different feelings about recovery and has different needs. there is no one set time table for this. if you have had cancer you are changed forever. i believe that it can be a positive thing for survivors.but be yourself, take your time in recovery, wait for " your soul to catch up." i might add to live life to the fullest. that is what i plan to do, even if i do lag behind a little and need to sit down for a while.