i do not make new year resolutions, but i can tell you what i am most thankful for this year......

i would like to be able to say that i have never made ANY  new year resolutions. but of course, i did when i was younger. i quickly learned that not only did i end up not keeping any of them, but it was pretty much pointless because who of us knows what the future will bring? as someone whose life has turned on a dime, i can attest to the fact that making promises to yourself to do this or that without knowing what the future holds is pretty useless.

of course, i am thankful for my family and friends most of all. without their love and support, i do not think that i could have endured this past year. i am so very grateful to all of you- you know who you are- and i will never be able to thank you enough.

 another thing that i have  been thankful for this year is good health care. i have had wonderful doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals who have done their best to help me get well. i am grateful to live in a country where i can have access to the best hospitals and treatment options. i have never taken that for granted. i will admit to doing some research on choosing the " who, what and where " in my health care, but it was available and i am very appreciative for that.

 i am thankful for  music. over the holidays, my sister and i noted the fact that when we were growing up, we were always surrounded by lots of  music. we both sort of took it for granted. our dad and uncle played guitars, and there was always music playing somewhere. when i was so sick this summer and fall ,during and  after chemotherapy, and i  found it hard to get out of bed, i listened to music. the music that i was most thankful for was the music of george gershwin. i "discovered" him thanks to my eight grade teacher. she assigned research topics for all of her students, and she gave me george. i fell in love with his music, and love it to this day. so as i lay in bed, cold washcloth on my head and trying not to be sick, i concentrated on gershwin's beautiful music. listening to music not only helped me pass the time, but gave me something wonderful to experience and focus on. if there is anyone out there  who somehow doubts  the existence of God or heaven, just listen to "rhapsody in blue".

of course, i like all GOOD music. i am not just about classical. i enjoy rock music of my generation, jazz, world music, reggae, gospel, about anything except hard rock- just never got into that. i am sure that there is some good hard rock out there, but it just always gave me a headache. my husband says that my CD selections probably baffle amazon. they never know what to recommend for me! if they tried to add all of my selections into a computer to figure out exactly what i liked, the computer would probably explode or something. one thing i do know, though, is that  music can improve my mood, lift me past my troubles, and sometimes even transport me back to the time when i first heard a particular song.

i received the remastered CD of " rubber soul" by the beatles for Christmas this year. that was my favorite album when i was a young( very young, lol) teenager. one of my cousins gave it to me for Christmas right after it first came out. my cousin was working on the west coast, and had purchased it before it had been released around where i lived. i played that album so much, i practically wore it out! i know that my parents got tired of hearing that album over and over. in case you wondered, my favorite song on the album was ( still is) " norwegian wood". it was the first time that i had ever heard a sitar, and i was just blown away. to this day, just  hearing this CD just takes me back to when i was very young.

so, i will not be making any new year  resolutions tonight. i am being thankful for all the good things that have happened to me this year, and will be hoping for better health in 2016. happy new year to all of my family and friends out there, and my wish for you is good health and lots of good music!

2105 in review, or my year of the roller coaster ride

2015 started out well enough for me. you know that feeling  when you are on a roller coaster and at first you think, " hey, this will not be that bad!". then you start to go slowly  up the first hill and your stomach starts to drop.the feeling that" everything is o.k." is pretty much over after that.

i looked back on my national wildlife calendar- which is pretty much an outline of my life for a particular  year. ( by the way, my dad started the tradition of giving us all calendars from national wildlife so that we could keep up with events, birthdays,etc. i have continued that tradition since my dad's  passing by purchasing one every year  for me and both of my children. ) anyway, the first of the year found me working full time and taking care, as much as he would let me, of my husband after his second hip replacement. he should be the poster child for how you do a hip replacement. he went to all of his physical therapy sessions, did the exercises at home, and returned to work in record time. well, there was that one time he went outside USING HIS WALKER to clear snow off of the walkway to our house. but i will let that go since fortunately there was not a trip to the emergency room involved.

if you are like me, you remember the "ides of march" from high school literature. i am not sure if it was shakespeare, my english teacher, or a combination of both, but i have always felt a little uneasy this time of year. the actual date to beware of, is  march 15th. on march 18th of this year ( close enough to the ides of march, in my opinion) i had my first mammogram. a few days later i had my 3D mammogram, then the first biopsy-a few days after that. and so i began my journey. the day that i got my cancer diagnosis from the surgeon was on my wedding anniversary ( april 2nd) . my husband was with me that day, of course, and we went on with our plans for the day. but it was not a happy day by any means.

this being said, my roller coaster ride of 2015 had some very good "highs". my first granddaughter was born on september 16th of this year. her name is violet, and she is a sweet little flower. she has managed to capture the hearts of everyone in our family with her good nature and sweet smiles. i have a feeling,  though, that she will rule the roost, so to speak, when she gets together with her brother and cousin at our family events.

my journey with breast cancer has had a lot of unexpected twists and turns. there have been many bumps in the road. but, i have a lot to be thankful for. the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes, even though i had the three tumors and a random smattering of cancer cells on one side. i had to take the chemotherapy because my cancer was an aggressive type( invasive lobular). i opted for  bilateral mastectomies, with my surgeon's blessing. he said that if i had not chosen to do it now, i would no doubt be back in a couple of years for surgery on the other side. i decided to just take care of things now. i have NO intentions of doing this again!

of all things to worry about, i worried what the oldest of my grandchildren, who is 4 years old, would think about my appearance. i did not want him to be worried or afraid of me. leave it to sweet little children, though. all that he has said is " i really like your scarf, mimi!"( i am keeping my head covered until my hair grows out a little bit more ).  he knows that he has to be somewhat careful around me, but other than that, things have been pretty normal.

i have  to have blood work done in march of this year to check for tumor markers. i am not sure how close it will be to the ides of march since my doctor's office has not contacted me with the exact date as yet. in april, i have a CAT scan scheduled to make sure that the cancer has not spread to my chest,lungs,etc. i also have a big thyroid cancer check up in april. april sounds a little scarier than march this year, but i am hoping for good news. i would like to spend this year away from doctors, hospitals, and roller coasters. i am praying for good health in 2016- for me and for all of my family and friends.

FYI

i was  encouraged by Cure Forward to write an open letter to a  newly diagnosed cancer patient.  i have been hanging out here in my breast cancer blog for a while. i feel that i needed to write a new blog for my thyroid cancer blog. so for those of you who are newly diagnosed with breast, or any other cancer , you might want to check it out. the link to my thyroid cancer blog is : losingthebutterfly@blogspot.com. i hope you enjoy reading it, and i hope that it perhaps will help newbies  who are beginning their cancer journey.

as always, thanks to everyone for their support, and thanks for reading my blogs!

ten ( mostly) good things chemotherapy taught me

i was thinking ( sometimes a dangerous thing) the other day, that thanks to chemotherapy i could now paint my fingernails and have them look better than if a five year old had  painted them. well, i know there are some talented five year old finger nail painters out there, but you get the idea. i also decided that thanks to chemo, i learned to apply my make up a lot better. this i realized whenever i was deathly pale, yet applied my make up and was told " i looked so good." i know, if you are like me, you have read many " what i learned from this ,that, or the other" lists. i am not sure if someone has done one about chemotherapy, but here goes.

1. never, ever complain about " bad hair days". i mean, a bad hair day beats a no hair day, any day.

2. a stash of barf bags is a precious thing. i had several- they slept beside my bed, and accompanied me on road trips. i named them all " barney."

3. enjoy your food. revel in the taste, texture, and temperature. never take eating for granted.

4. learn to paint your nails. the type of  chemotherapy that  i was on turned all of my nails brown- yuck. and they all split and splintered off. a nicely applied nail polish not only looks good, but it improves your spirits. not to mention it does not scream " nail fungus" to others.

5. make up is a wonderful thing. i could be sick as a dog, but when i put some nicely placed make up on my face, i tricked others ( as well as myself) into believing  that i was feeling fine.

6. you actually do lose a whole lot of body heat through your head! mom was right. wear a nice warm hat.

7. drinking lots of water keeps you healthy. water in, bad old chemotherapy out- well, some of it, at least. also, your kidneys will thank you.

8. learn to let others help you. i am still working on this one. i think that i have to do everything myself, but when you are having chemotherapy, you have to depend on others to help you with certain things. and it has been my experience that people really do like to lend a hand to those of us who are dealing with cancer.

9. be grateful for the small stuff. a cold, wet washcloth, a nice hot blanket, something cool to drink,etc. these things are priceless.

10. i forgot number ten! lol. actually using the " chemo brain is real card" has come in pretty handy at times.

so that is my list. i am sure that i will think of others when i am trying to go to sleep tonight. oh, be thankful for a good night's sleep. you will never sleep as well as you do when you get to that last chemotherapy treatment.

in the spirit of full disclosure, AKA, time to fess up, i must tell a story on myself...

for quite some time, i have been telling a funny story about  my husband which happened after one of his hip surgeries. he has had them both replaced, and must be a tough guy or the bionic man- i have not yet  decided which . anyway,the day of his surgery  he had missed supper because his surgery ran late. he was unfortunately looking at a questionable cold cut sandwich from the hospital kitchen. our son, who had come by to visit his dad, asked my husband if he would like something better for supper. my son left the hospital and went out in search of the perfect fish sandwich per jeff's request. what he came back with was the most ginormous fish sandwich that i have ever seen in my life! it was a very large bun, but the piece of fish was so large that it was hanging over both sides of the bun. my husband lit into that sandwich like there was no tomorrow!

my son and i looked at each other for a few minutes, then stared, open mouthed at my husband as he quickly consumed the entire whale (haha) of the sandwich. my son had to leave for home, so i sat there by myself keeping an eagle eye on jeff. i knew that the fish was not a salmon, but i fully expected the fish to be " swimming upstream, from whence it came" at any moment. it turned out, and very  thankfully, that this did not happen. and the funniest thing was that the next day my husband did not even remember that he had eaten a sandwich. much less one that could have been a spawn of moby dick.

so, time to fess up. in my defense, i was not myself. i had just had pretty major surgery, and was still under the effects of the anesthesia( that is my story, and i am sticking to it). on the way home yesterday,  jeff had to go by the pharmacy to get my antibiotic prescription filled. he asked if there was anything else  that i wanted, and i said yes there was. my throat was and still is hurting from the intubation tube they used in my surgery. i told him that the pharmacy usually carried individual servings of haagen dazs vanilla ice cream, and that i thought this would be very good for my throat. when he returned, it was not with the small, individual size, but a full pint! he told me," well just eat what you want and we will discard the rest."  as the old, but popular commercial said, I ATE THE WHOLE THING! i even poured a little coke on what was left after i had eaten about two thirds of the container to make myself a nice, little coke float. let me say here  that i have never before eaten a whole pint of ice cream at one sitting. maybe half a pint, but not the whole thing!

even funnier, was the fact that later on that night, after i had "sobered up" a bit, i asked for a little ice cream. my husband said, " really? i thought you might have had enough for today!" i was totally unaware , until then, what i had done. i can barely remember the wonderfully delicious ice cream. i definitely do not want to remember the AMOUNT that i consumed. all i can say, is that perhaps my husband was playing a little trick on me and the whole thing was just a "whale of a tail" after all! oh, had it not been for that huge, empty container of haagen dazs ice cream in the car...