"where there is life, there is hope", from the hobbit, by j. r. r. tolkein

yesterday, i went back to the oncologist for my third neupogen shot and more blood work. to refresh, the neupogen raises my white blood cell count and hopefully keeps me from getting sick. the cancer center is an hour away from my house. my husband is usually off on wednesdays, but had to be out of town for a business meeting. luckily, my son , who lives nearby, was able to go with me. i will have to admit that this has been about my lowest point in my treatment so far. i can handle a fair amount of pain, but when it comes to nausea, i am pretty much a weenie. the new chemo drug that the oncologist had to switch me to causes a LOT of nausea.

when i checked in yesterday,the receptionist asked me what was wrong- i looked like i was not feeling well. i almost cried. my emotions are all over the place now.  anymore, it does not take a hallmark commercial to make me cry. someone can step on an ant, and i am looking for a kleenex. i told her that i was struggling with persistent nausea and she told me to be sure to mention it to the nurse. i did not have to, though, because not only the nurse who gave me my neupogen shot, but the med tech who got my blood work asked me why i was not feeling well.

i can not imagine going through this alone. i have so much love and support from my family and friends. i feel incredibly sympathetic for those people who have no one to offer up a word of encouragement, a smile, a hug. frankly, i am not sure how a person who is alone manages cancer. i have certainly prayed a lot and depended on my faith, but knowing that you have a support group is priceless.

before i left the cancer center yesterday, i told the nurse that i was not sure that i could manage my next treatment, which is scheduled for a week from this coming  friday. she said, " oh, do not give up now! you are almost there. one more treatment and you will be finished. YOU CAN DO THIS!". well, i got some tears in my eyes( remember the ant story) and just nodded, saying  that i would finish. perhaps i am getting my second wind as i head towards the finish line. today, eight days after my last chemo, the nausea is still present, but is getting a little bit better. j. r. r. tolkein said " after fire comes rain, and even dragons have their endings." after the most brutal storm is over, if we are lucky, we can see a rainbow. i said that.