" may the hair on your toes never fall out!" from the hobbit by j. r. r. tolkein

i knew it would happen. my oncologist tried to prepare me. i knew the reason behind it- the chemotherapy kills cells that multiply rapidly, mostly the cancer cells, but our hair cells multiply quickly, too. i have always liked my hair, but i will admit that i have taken it for granted. my sister and i used to tease our mother about her devotion to her  weekly hair appointments. we told my mom that if a natural disaster ( tornado, hurricane, blizzard, etc.)  happened to be going on at the same time as her hair appointment, she would surely make it to the salon somehow! lately, though, my sister and i agree that we both really look forward to our own hair appointments, and barring natural disaster, will always keep our own appointments.

so, a couple of days ago, i happened to look down on my sweater and was shocked. yes, red hair on a black sweater is hard to miss. and it was quite a bit of hair at that. i tried to tell myself that perhaps i would be lucky somehow and my hair would hang in there. today, the hair loss continued all day long and was substantial. i could not postpone the inevitable - i would need to shave my head. it has been just a hair( good grief, no pun intended) over two weeks since my first chemotherapy. that is right on schedule for the hair loss according to the oncologist.

my husband and i  decided to buy a shaver and agreed that he would do it- privately at home , just the two of us. a couple  of techs that my husband  works with have had some experience in hair styling, and they picked out a shaver and told him how to do it. i guess we could have figured it out by  ourselves, but it was really nice of them to help us. that said, it was one of the more traumatic experiences that i have ever had. i cried, a lot, but my husband just kept on gently shaving until he got it down to a buzz cut. we will go further in a day or so. i showered the hair off, and slipped on my sleep chemo beanie. it is so soft and light weight, but also warm. i am thankful that i am not having to do this in the winter.

i have ordered a couple of wigs, but of course they have not arrived as yet. i do have some rather pretty chemo beanies which i can wear until the wigs get here. my next chemotherapy is coming up this wednesday, july 8th. it would be nice to have the wigs by then, but if not, i will just wear one of my pretty beanies. it was incredibly hard losing my hair-harder than i had imagined. i kept telling myself that it is only hair, and it will grow back eventually. all that hair hitting the floor unleashed some pretty major tears. what got to me the most, though, was when my husband stopped for a minute and looked me straight in the eyes. he told me i was beautiful and he would love me forever. it was hard to feel sorry for myself after that.

so, i sincerely hope, that if you are a hobbit, the hair on your toes never falls out. for the rest of us, i wish that no one would have to have the hair on their heads fall out, or have to shave their head. but i suppose we can always buy pretty wigs,scarves and chemo beanies until it grows back. and i am looking forward to my next hair appointment- whenever that may be.