" roads go ever on, under cloud and under star, yet feet that wandering have gone, turn at last to HOME." from the hobbit, by j. r. r. tolkein

i had a doctor's appointment- with my oncologist- today. it was just supposed to be for lab work. i had extreme bone pain with the neulasta injection last time, so they decided to skip it this chemo and just monitor my blood work. unfortunately, my lab work showed that i have neutropenia- a fancy word for very low white blood cell count. so, the decision was made to try the neupogen- which is like neulasta, but has to be given over at least three consecutive days. the neupogen will  still cause bone pain, but it is not long acting, and the bone pain is not supposed to be as severe. the nurse who gave me my first injection today told me that her observation has been that if you did not do well on one, you could tolerate the other. i sure hope she is right! along with the neupogen, i am having to take a pretty strong antibiotic, just in case i should get sick. the physician's assistant told me that i could get out, but to avoid large crowds and whatever i do, avoid walmart. ha- ha- ha.

so, i have decided to stay at home. i have to go to the doctor's office for the injections of course, but other than that, i am what you would call " home bound" for now. the doctor will check my white blood cell counts again on friday. if they have not gone up sufficiently, then they will " do something else". i was not brave enough to ask what that " something else" was. i am just hoping that the neupogen does it's job, and i will not need to find that out.

my sister has been down to visit me the past couple of days. i had a pretty rough weekend, and was not feeling up to being by myself monday or tuesday. i really appreciated the company, and we had good visits. it has been somewhat difficult to find silver linings in the cancer cloud, but one thing that i am thankful for is the strengthening of my relationship with my sister. we were close growing up, but as adult children often do, drifted apart. now we are about close as we have ever been, and it is very comforting to me.

i do enjoy being at home, thankfully. i have beautiful flower gardens to enjoy, and it is peaceful and quiet here. i have my computer, my little window to the world, and now that i am feeling up to it, i can check in with my friends every now and then. i know that social media can become a problem, but for us home bound folks, it is pretty important. of course, i talk to my children about every day, and that is definitely a blessing.

i suppose some journeys have a life of their own. so many twists and turns, so many decisions to make about where to go, what to do. but one thing is for certain, at some point, everyone will end up at home. and that is the best journey of all.