" never laugh at live dragons, bilbo you fool! gandalf said it to himself, and it became a favorite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb. you aren't nearly through this adventure yet, he added. and that was pretty true as well. " from the hobbit, by j. r. r. tolkein

today i went to the oncologist's office for chemo 101. or to put it more correctly, for orientation. my husband and i met the head chemotherapy nurse, and she went over the medications that i would be receiving, as well as possible side effects. the process takes about 2 and one-half hours, she said, if everything goes well. first, i get the medications that will hopefully help with the nausea. there are three scheduled, and a fourth one, if i need it. then, i get an IV dose of dexamethasone- which is a steroid and is used to prevent ( hopefully) my body having a reaction to the chemotherapy. these infusions take about an hour.

next comes the big bad drug, or dragon if you will. this dragon goes by the name of taxotere. it takes an hour to infuse this one. since this is my first chemotherapy session, they will be watching me carefully for immediate problems. anaphylaxis, i assume. the somewhat milder drug comes after this one, and is called cytoxan. it takes about 30 minutes to infuse the cytoxan. my husband will be with me for support, and to drive home afterwards. it takes an hour to get home from the oncology center to my house. i am not sure how the ride home will be. i think that the fear of not knowing is the worse part for me. hopefully, after the first chemotherapy treatment, i will know what to expect and it will not be so terrifying.

tomorrow, i go back to the plastic surgeon . he is going to remove more stitches, and possibly add some more saline in my implants. no, i am not going for the " dolly parton" look. i just want to look a little less like a young boy. and, also i would like  to have my clothes fit a little bit better. the reconstruction process has been more difficult than i had expected. the doctor is expanding my chest wall out- so it hurts and i feel a lot of pressure in my chest. i am also  having " phantom" pain, which is very strange. i thought i was losing my mind until i read in a breast cancer book that it is fairly common. the article that i read said that it takes a while for the brain to know that a part of the body is missing. wow, i thought that my brain was smarter than that. i hope that my brain gets up to speed soon.

i have a basket in the kitchen that i call my " sunshine basket". it is filled with get well cards from my family and friends. probably the best thing is the cards that my grandson's daycare have made for me. they could not possibly imagine how much their colorful drawings mean to me. i look at the cards a lot, and it is very comforting. i am fortunate, as i have said before and will probably say again, to have such a great support system. i honestly do not know how people go through something like this on their own. my faith has also deepened- and has been a great source of comfort to me.

i am not laughing at the live dragons. i think that i have done pretty well so far, but as gandalf said, " you aren't nearly through this adventure yet.". nothing could be any truer.