i was really dreading going back to the surgeon yesterday. i had not removed the dressing on my chest because i was afraid to look! the surgeon told me that i could remove the bandage in 5 days or so, and that i could then take a shower. but i think that i made the correct decision to wait another day or two. ( don't worry, i took tub baths !) i was afraid that the surgeon would want to add more saline or remove some of the stitches( while it seemed like i had 50 or so, i only have 7 stitches). my chest is very sore now- at least the part that is not numb. i was thankful that the doctor wanted to wait until next week to continue with the "expansion process.". yes, that still makes me think of the oregon trail computer game.
when the doctor told me that " we dodged a bullet", i got up enough nerve to look at my chest. it does not look as bad as i had imagined , and i have to say that while the suture material was probably thick enough to knit a sweater with , the surgeon has made nice, tidy little stitches. the most important thing to note, is that the procedure that he did in the office last week, along with the oral antibiotics that i took, prevented any infection. while i am sore, i am still on track for my final surgery date. that is provided that the expansion process goes well. i am so thankful that i am going to be able to get this surgery done next month so that i can begin to put at least some of this behind me.
i saw a cartoon on face book of a butterfly being pulled over by a police officer. he was telling the officer that the picture on his driver's licence was an old one. it showed a picture of a caterpillar. i thought that it was funny until a store clerk told me, while she was checking my driver's license, " oh, that is a picture of you when you had hair!". ha-,ha,-ha. i think my husband was waiting for some sort of explosion, but i just calmly told her that yes i had hair then, but that i would have hair again before too long. there are so many unexpected events that go along with having cancer. procedures do not go as planned, and sometimes people say the strangest things. i have found, though, i do best when i just try to make the best of things. i suppose if i wore wigs, it might be easier for me? but i have discovered that scarves just feel right for me. they are soft, comfortable and as one person told me, " they fit my bohemian style". i took that as a very nice compliment, because i do like to be myself . as i get older, i find that the person i need to please is me. after all, in the end, i will be the one responsible for all of my life choices. i want to be happy and proud of the decisions that i have made.
sometimes, in life, it seems there is so much that is not under our control. it feels to me like i have been dodging a lot of bullets for a while now. some found their mark, of course. but overall, i am thankful that things have happened as they have. i am grateful to all of my family, friends and of course to all of the wonderful medical staff that have helped, and continue to help me along my journey with breast cancer. my faith is a personal thing to me, but it is stronger now, and i am not sure that i could have gotten through this journey without it. it has been said that it takes a village to raise a child and i agree. i also think that it takes a village to successfully get through cancer.
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