still waiting...an update

my plastic surgeon's nurse finally called me this week. ( that is the good news). the other news, i will not call it bad, just disappointing, is that my surgery is scheduled for may 22nd. i have another appointment, a pre-op of sorts, scheduled with the plastic surgeon on may 12th. he has already gone over all the information with me, but he says that he likes to go over things again and make sure that the patient does  not have any questions. i am taking my husband, jeff, with me on may 12th. another pair of ears is always good, especially when people, me included, tend to block out things that we do not want to hear.

i remember when i was talking to the radiologist about my thyroid cancer treatment dose. he was talking about how i had two different kinds of thyroid cancer, and how it had spilled out into my neck and lymph node area. also, he was telling me why this had justified a larger than normal dose of the radioactive I-131 as treatment. i almost turned around and looked behind me. surely he must have been talking to someone else! he could not be talking about me, but of course, he was. it was a surreal experience. sometimes your mind shuts down a little to protect you. i am one who needs to know everything so that i can be prepared- it helps me cope and not be as afraid. but even me, and those people who are like me, sometimes can not exactly bear to hear all of the details. that is why it is good, even necessary to have someone else with you when you get disturbing information.

so, i have gone back to work. yesterday was my first day back since my cancer journey began. it was a hard day. i was bone tired when i got home, and not just from the work that i did, but also  the emotional ups and downs of the day. my coworkers were concerned and asked questions, which i was happy to answer. also, some of my customers knew and wanted to talk to me,too. i think talking is good, but it can be emotionally draining. do not get me wrong- i was grateful that people were concerned, but towards the end of the day, i was wondering if i would be able to make the drive home!

one person told me, " wow, you have really lost weight!". normally, i would be so pleased to hear this. i have lost about 15 to 20 pounds, and gone down a clothes size or two. jeff and i were watching television today, and a morning show was advertising a product that could cause you to " lose weight without diet or exercise ". i looked over at my husband and said, " cancer??. do you think that is what they are talking about?". we had a good laugh. laughing is good- i am making a conscious effort to do so every day. as i have said, i had rather laugh than cry if possible.

i am working up to the surgery date. my last day at work , for a while, will be may 21st. i am taking two days off on my long week. i just can not work 6 days straight now! i think that as long as i do not wear myself out, working will help keep my mind off things. i do like my job-i love helping people, so that will be good for me. i do not like waiting, though, and being patient will be hard. i will not know the staging of my cancer, or if i will need chemotherapy until after the surgery. the surgeon said that they will know as soon as the biopsy on the lymph nodes comes back. there is so much to think about and so much to wonder about in this journey. my road map is incomplete, to be filled in later.